“I wish I had that…”

Sometimes a simple phrase like that can break your heart, and not for the reasons one might expect. It certainly broke my heart when I heard it whispered in regards to the relationship Jeff and I have together, and in regards to our mutual relationship with God. How is one to answer such a whispered plea? How can I possibly begin to explain to this person that they can have that, but that their life must drastically change in order to obtain it?

It brings to mind the story of the Rich Young Man as told in Matthew 19:16-26. That young man was so excited when he came upon Jesus, that he asked him, “What good thing shall I do that I may have eternal life?” And Jesus upon looking into this young man’s heart saw what his struggle in life was, and what he would need to do in order to overcome what the world had ensnared him with. Jesus responded, “If you wish to be perfect, go and sell all that you have, and give it to the poor. Then you shall have great treasure in heaven. Come, and follow me.”

What did that rich young man do? Did he sell all he had, give it to the poor, and follow Jesus? Sadly no. The idol in his heart was his wealth, and the world had ensnared him well with that carrot on the stick. Instead of doing just as Jesus instructed, the rich young man turned away full of sorrow, still wishing he had the very perfection he sought after.

In the world ye shall have tribulation…

The world gives us much to consider and to ponder, in order to keep us away from the one thing that matters most in our lives: following Jesus. We were warned of this temptation multiple times in the New Testament, as Jesus was able to see clearly just how the world has kept us from Him.

“These things I have spoken unto you, that in me ye might have peace. In the world ye shall have tribulation: but be of good cheer; I have overcome the world.” – John 16:33

Our tribulations are many, and great. Some are given many pleasures and comforts in the world in order to keep them happily occupied and away from God. Some are given great trials and pain to keep them angry and malcontent with God. Some are given a good mix of the two. It all depends on what will keep that person as far away from God as possible, and as deep within sin as possible.

Satan has had centuries to perfect these temptations upon humanity. As I look around and see the heartbreaking state of the world around me, I understand a bit more as to how and why Jesus was known as the Man of Sorrows. He loves us all, and yet, we don’t see Him in the good works around us, nor do we seek after Him when everything seems to be falling apart.

The world knew Him not…

“He was in the world, and the world was made by him, and the world knew him not.” – John 1:10

So this leads me back to the original quote. “I wish I had that…” This wasn’t a wish for something material that can be bought. This wasn’t a plea for something that can be easily obtained. This was a desire for something deeper. This was a longing for what Jesus promises His followers.

The closer you become to Jesus, the more your life changes. You begin to see where you fall short of the Glory of God, and you make adjustments to compensate for that shortfall. Will you ever master it? No. But you will be happier as you try to do so. You begin to notice what the world wants for you, versus what God wants for you. You then notice that you have a choice: The World or God.

“Love not the world, neither the things that are in the world. If any man love the world, the love of the Father is not in him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh, and the lust of the eyes, and the pride of life, is not of the Father, but is of the world. And the world passeth away, and the lust thereof: but he that doeth the will of God abideth for ever.” – 1 John 2:15-17

The more you choose God, the more the things of the world begin to become abhorrent to you. Whether sinful things in your life, such as drugs, alcohol, sexual lusts, idol worship, or even just simple things, like choosing to waste your valuable time on video games, versus taking some time to read the Bible and getting closer to God.

As I’ve grown closer to God, the Holy Spirit has convicted me on several issues in my life. I’ve talked about some of them here on my blog, like cussing. But there is so much more I could dive into. Before I started to follow Jesus, I was many things that the world wanted me to be. A fornicator. An adulterer. A liar. A disrespectful daughter. A lover of self over God. A thief. A covetous woman. A druggie. For those of you counting, that is easily seven out of the ten commandments that I was breaking.

But, God has had mercy on me, and has been gracious unto me. He has shown me where I have fallen short, and I have been moved enough to want what He has to offer, to make changes in my life to fall away from those worldly desires and leanings. Because there were times in my life when I saw people who made me whisper to myself, “I wish I had that…”

The World hateth you…

There is certainly a fear that you have to overcome, in order to make these changes in your life. The fear of the World rejecting you. Thankfully, I had an easier time overcoming this than most. And that is simply because the World was always cruel to me, and I felt rejected by the World more often than not. When I was a young child, I was always brutalized by my peers in school, both physically and mentally. And when I was older, I continued that brutalization myself.

“If the world hate you, ye know that it hated me before it hated you. If ye were of the world, the world would love his own: but because ye are not of the world, but I have chosen you out of the world, therefore the world hateth you.” – John 15:18-19

It left me always seeking validation in the world, and becoming disheartened anytime that validation didn’t come. It left me angry at God, and wondering why I had to suffer so much, if He truly existed. (Read about how I learned God was Real, here.) Once I learned that God was there, then I had to figure out why such things had happened to me. Was it simply me? Was I the issue?

There was a lot of yes and no to be learned about those questions. No, originally I was not the issue. That was Satan trying to keep me down and away from God. But also, yes. Yes I was the issue for myself. When I was a fornicator and adulterer and a liar, yes. When I was living in sin, I hated myself beyond what words can be written here could possibly tell you.

My first true turning towards God happened, when I decided to not be a liar anymore, because I met someone who made me feel like they deserved the truth from me, regardless if they left me for having lied and deceiving them. Who was that person? That was Jeff. My husband and my greatest friend.

Truth be told, I still struggle with the “habit” of lying, in the sense that my brain always seems to try to find a way to quickly explain things away to people, to make myself look good. Do I act out on those thoughts? No. I have to always remind myself that that is a lie, and I don’t want to be a liar anymore. These are small things like, “Oh I’m late because of this or that.” When really, it’s something else entirely! But those small things, are now big lies to me, and I’m trying hard to not even allow those “small” lies to escape.

Whosoever believeth in Him should not perish…

You see, our lives are a constant battle with our old, worldly selves. The war is the eternal battle between our choices for God or for the World. Each decision is a battle. The war ends when our lives end, and we stand before the great Judge. Jesus doesn’t want to lose you to the World. He wants you to choose Him, so that by Him, you might be saved at the end of the war and the world.

“For God so loved the world, that he gave his only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him should not perish, but have everlasting life. For God sent not his Son into the world to condemn the world; but that the world through him might be saved.” – John 3:16-17

“I wish I had that…” I too, wish I had that salvation. And so I will struggle daily to obtain it. I will struggle with myself and my mind, so that I may follow Jesus, where ever He may lead me. Because I know, through the fruits of my own battles, that He is worth it. His salvation is real. The changes I am experiencing are real, and now visible to others. Enough so, that they whisper, “I wish I had that…” I wish you had that too, and I know you can, if you simply allow Jesus to lead your life.

I hope this helps you, dear reader, to leave the world behind, and instead to live for Jesus so that you may have what I have. Feel free to reach out, if you have any questions.

God loves you. I love you. And that’s just the way it is.

Thank you for reading.

God Bless you and keep you!
♥ Jess ♥